Sometimes you know something, but you don’t really “Know” it; like, we all know that everything happens for a reason or a wisdom, we read it, we heard it, we memorized it; but it takes us a try, an experience (Maybe two or three :D), to actually “Know” it by our hearts and learn to look for that wisdom. That happened to me too; all my life, I believed that “Change happens step by step”, I read it (A lot!), I wrote about it, and I taught it to some of my friends. Until later this year, when I came to realize the “Ugly truth”; I never… ever… ever used it myself.
For those who don’t know me, I am a huge fan of learning, growing and improving; I’d wake up every morning with a positive attitude, determined to have a perfect, productive day; to go through every single item on my to do list “Read, write, study, spiritual time, work out, spend time with friends and family, some free time for myself, learn new things, help mom with the house chores, do something good… Need I to go on?! :D ” I’d make a tough schedule for my day, push myself so hard, and when I get tired I’d tell myself “Come on Jess, you’re a fighter!” And I’d stay a fighter for the day, maybe for few days; but after that I just get exhausted, and since commitment isn't my favorite thing, I’d throw away my list and spend days and days just doing, a little, or not doing anything useful at all.
I am sure I am not the only one, a lot of people can relate to the dramatic cycle of “Change”. It starts with telling myself “You’re a fighter” and ends up with “What a loser?! How can you live like this?” and after the drama phase, you go back to where you started. And the days just go on, and every day you wake up thinking “Today, I am going to change my life!” but you end up nowhere.
But after years of being stuck in the vicious cycle; you come to the realization that you've been too hard on yourself, you've been pushing and pushing without thinking that “Change happens step by step”. You've been trying to be “The best”, without considering what “Your best” is; not the best that you’re meant to be one day, but the best that you are, today!
The day you realize this, only then, you can actually change
And I finally learned all that (The hard way :/ ), and since then I made it my new life motto “To try to be my best”; I now wake up every morning with a positive attitude and I’m determined to try to be my best; to push the right push, to work with myself not against her, and to take it step by step… And the good news is, I have been doing great since then ^_^
Live long and prosper :) !
