Finding Mr. Perfect?

            Being a fresh graduate, and a girl, doesn't just change YOUR life; it changes the way people look at you. In the past, people would look at me and ask “What do you want to do after graduation?”, “What are your plans”, “Have you decided what career you want to pursue yet?” … But after graduation, suddenly, there’s only one question: “When are you going to find a husband?!!”

But the thing is; I honestly, truly and deeply believe that “I am a princess” ^_^  Few years ago, I made a vow to myself to cherish, love, respect and accept her; and I am totally committing to my vows to this day.  So the all talk about looking for a man, having to get married soon, my life having no purpose unless I find a man; that just doesn't resonate with me, no way!

I wouldn't lie to you; there’s a part of me who can’t wait to find my soul mate, to be together, to share our life, to support each other… I am definitely excited about that happening :D But there’s also the part that’s wondering “What exactly am I looking for?” :D

To help, I asked my friends about what they’re looking for… But their answers only gave me more confusion :D

Friend A: I want my Mr. Right to be “The ideal man”; with a great personality, good looks and lot of money.

Friend B: The best important thing is romance, sweet talk, romantic music, flowers… awwwwww! :D

Friend C: Romance is cheesy! I like my love life to be fun; full of teasing and laughter.

Friend D: I want my Mr. Right to be tough! So that he’ll make me a better person.

Friend F: I want him to be more religious than I am, so that he can push be into becoming more religious.

And of course when I asked a skeptical person, she said: The most important thing is that he has money, to provide your home and your children.

            The truth is, the definition of “Love” is different from one person to another; that’s why you’ll never find your right answer with someone else. You have to look “Within” yourself and ask yourself “What do I really want? And there’s no right answer for that; some would want their partner to be adventurous, so they could travel the world together; other would want a stable, quiet life; and they’re both great! It’s about what “You” want :)

The thing is, we’re all looking for Mr. Right; Mr. Right who is supposed to be “Perfect”. If we’re asked to describe a perfect person, it wouldn't be that hard; just make a very long list with all the characters we've ever heard of (Including all the opposites  :D), we can do that! ...  But it’s not about being perfect, is it? It’s about being perfect for “YOU” … But how to find that? … What to look for? … In my opinion, the answer lies in one word “Vision”.

Let me give you an example; a part of my vision is “We’re born to this life to grow and to learn and to become the better versions of ourselves”. So, for me, what’s the point of finding a perfect person if I am still, and will always be learning? :D Instead, I’d want my Mr. Right to be someone who’s willing to learn with me, experience the world with me, someone who’s not willing to just stay in the same place forever and who’s open to the concept of change. That would match my vision perfectly, because we’d have the same way of thinking…

So, for me, I’d take someone who’s a hard worker but poor, over someone who’s rich and lazy! I’d take someone who’s open up to learning and growing, over someone who thinks he “Knows it all”, any day! I would take someone who’d looking for someone to stand with him, support and work with him; over someone who’s looking for a “Perfect girl”, because, that’s definitely not me :D  … Someone who shares the same vision as you do! That’s one key to finding YOUR Mr. Right ^_^

Of course, that’s just an example; every one of us has her own vision, her own way of thinking, and her own definition for her Mr. Right! And it’s all okay, as long as we know what WE want, not what other people tell us we should look for :) A true princess would never settle for less than what she wants ;)

But what if you don’t have a “Vision” yet? You don’t know what you believe in yet? … Please, go looking for yourself first :) You don’t have to find a well written plan for what you want to do in life; you just have to know what you believe in, how you see life… I read a quote few days ago, and I loved it; it said: “You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first steps” … You don’t have to see your whole way in front of you in order to be ready and know what you want in Mr. Right; but you do have to see the beginning of your way, the first few steps :)

Please; it doesn't matter how old you are or how much pressure people are putting on you; just go looking for yourself first, so that you will never regret! :) And only when you find the beginning of the way, you’ll know who your Mr. Right is. 

Find what “YOU” want ;)

Princess Jess ^_^

Life motto!

Sometimes you know something, but you don’t really “Know” it; like, we all know that everything happens for a reason or a wisdom, we read it, we heard it, we memorized it; but it takes us a try, an experience (Maybe two or three :D), to actually “Know” it by our hearts and learn to look for that wisdom. That happened to me too; all my life, I believed that “Change happens step by step”, I read it (A lot!), I wrote about it, and I taught it to some of my friends. Until later this year, when I came to realize the “Ugly truth”; I never… ever… ever used it myself.

For those who don’t know me, I am a huge fan of learning, growing and improving; I’d wake up every morning with a positive attitude, determined to have a perfect, productive day; to go through every single item on my to do list “Read, write, study, spiritual time, work out, spend time with friends and family, some free time for myself, learn new things, help mom with the house chores, do something good… Need I to go on?! :D ” I’d make a tough schedule for my day, push myself so hard, and when I get tired I’d tell myself “Come on Jess, you’re a fighter!” And I’d stay a fighter for the day, maybe for few days; but after that I just get exhausted, and since commitment isn't my favorite thing, I’d throw away my list and spend days and days just doing, a little, or not doing anything useful at all. 

I am sure I am not the only one, a lot of people can relate to the dramatic cycle of “Change”. It starts with telling myself “You’re a fighter” and ends up with “What a loser?! How can you live like this?” and after the drama phase, you go back to where you started. And the days just go on, and every day you wake up thinking “Today, I am going to change my life!” but you end up nowhere. 

But after years of being stuck in the vicious cycle; you come to the realization that you've been too hard on yourself, you've been pushing and pushing without thinking that “Change happens step by step”. You've been trying to be “The best”, without considering what “Your best” is; not the best that you’re meant to be one day, but the best that you are, today! 

The day you realize this, only then, you can actually change

your life. The day you learn to stop comparing yourself with an ideal image you have in your mind, and instead, explore what you’re actually capable of, right now. The habits you’re trying to adapt to become challenges rather than burdens; everyday you’ll challenge yourself to become the best “You” and every day you’ll be able to celebrate the achievement of taking one more step. 

And I finally learned all that (The hard way :/ ), and since then I made it my new life motto “To try to be my best”; I now wake up every morning with a positive attitude and I’m determined to try to be my best; to push the right push, to work with myself not against her, and to take it step by step… And the good news is, I have been doing great since then ^_^

Live long and prosper :) !  

   

For all women out there :)

“There are no dateable guys out there; I haven’t found a guy with even 2 items on my checklist”

“I have a checklist too, each year I don’t find the man of my dreams I take another item of the list, soon this list is going to be a white piece of paper…”

That was a part of the conversation between Hilary duff and her boss in “Beauty and the briefcase”.  Although her boss was a successful, beautiful woman; but yet she felt she needed to lower her standards in order to get a man, any man. the truth is, a lot of women think that way; the fear of being alone makes them insecure that they’ll willing to settle with any man as long as he breathes.

And to these women, you should be ashamed of yourselves! You’re independent, smart, educated women of qualities and you deserve to have men of qualities like you are. You should never under any circumstances accept anything less than what you deserve.

Everywoman should have her own list and her own standards that she holds on to; I am not talking about a list that contains items like “Playing a music instrument, a foreign accent” like the movie did. I am talking about things like: “Education, ambition, treating you well, supporting, helpful…” and many other things that can’t be just optional, they must be a MUST in your partner; they’re necessary and you can’t live without.

Dear women; you should all know that there are good men out there, there are men who will appreciate you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated; NEVER settle for less!  And you should know that “Act like a jerk and she’ll fall for you!” a rule that only works with women who have low self-esteem; because women of high quality WILL NOT accept to be treated with disrespect or depreciation, so be one!  :)

The society has gone crazy!

I love the fuchsia color; do you love it too? Maybe yes, maybe no

I know that this will sound insane; but who do you think is better, someone who loves the fuchsia color, or someone who doesn’t?

Who do you think is more beautiful; A blonde, a brunette or a red-head??

What do you think is prettier, long hair cuts or short haircuts?

Do you think if I said that I like rap music, people would judge me?

Isn’t it strange that here in Africa people are obsessed by having a whiter paler skin; while Europeans who actually have that skin pay lots of money to get a nice tan?

In the past, racism was defined as discrimination according to skin color; black people were to be treated as if they were somehow less than white people. Racism was a very bad thing and the word “Racist” was offensive.

Nowadays, racism has gotten a better look and many different names. And instead of attacking it, we all began to be its followers.

Yes, racism is everywhere; it’s inside the magazines pages that girls think they’re like sacred or something, it’s on  TV 24/7 on different channels, it’s in streets and schools… it’s everywhere!  

Society now puts patterns for how we’re supposed to look, dress and act; and anyone who doesn’t fit in these patterns is considered somehow less than the others… I call that racism!

I have friends who are like size 2 and they actually think they’re fat, only because they don’t look like the models in the magazines that are like size zero or something, or because they have pear shaped body, blah blah blah…

I have friends who wear colors and outfits they don’t really like, just because they saw them in a fashion magazine!

I have friends who lie about the music they listen to or the hobbies they like, just because according to our society they’re uncool!

Seriously, what’s wrong with us? How can we let some magazines or some TV shows judge us like that? How can we let them tell us how we should look or what we should like? What gave them that right?

The society is getting crazy and we have to stop it. The definition of “Beauty”, “Coolness”, “Fashionable” or whatever words they use has to be changed. And we have to stop competing ourselves with anyone.

Start by yourself, stop being a follower to “Racism” and be the leader of your own life!

Let the kindess flow

I am going to tell you a secret; well I guess it won’t be a secret anymore. It’s a system that I have been using for a while and it brought me a lot of joy thank God :) To be honest, I am not the one who made it up, but I don’t remember where I got it from :)

So here it is; whenever someone does a kindness act towards you, you go do the same act to someone else. I call it “The circle of kindness”; for example, if someone compliments you, you go compliment someone else (A real compliment of course on something you really like about him). If you got a call from an old friend and it made you happy, go call another old friend and ask how he is doing :) if you get a text message from a friend in the morning that gives you a big smile, send a message to another friend and brighten his day :) Even if someone smiles at you, be sure to smile at someone else :)

 Got it? The idea is to let the kindness flow among us. It’s not to be a hypocrite and act like you care about these people; it’s about doing something nice to people whoever they are and to make them happy with a little act of kindness. And I am sure that when people are happy it reflects on their jobs and their relationships; so it’s like killing too many birds with one stone :)

Remember; just like energy can never be destroyed, kindness acts can never be wasted, they just flows from one person to another :)

Bad outfit day...

Today, I decided to have a “Bad outfit day”; even though I usually take care of what I wear all the time and I make sure I look chic, today I decided to care less about it. I wanted to remind myself that how I look has no effect whatsoever on my self-esteem and my looks don’t define me in anyway.

So I chose the white color for my veil (Worst color for my complexion), I wore an old shirt that looked like a school uniform and I went to college. I noticed the looks of my friends who aren’t used to see me dressed that badly, they couldn’t even fake a compliment; but actually I felt great all the time, I didn’t even care that I wasn’t dressed well.

 Taking care of ourselves is extremely important and it must be a priority, but obsessing by how we look can only do our self-esteem harm, and it’s good for us to care less even for a day… It doesn’t matter how fashionable I am if I don’t have anything else to show to the world; and it doesn’t matter how pretty Barbie looks as long as she’s just a doll, empty from the inside, no brain and no heart…

Never forget that it’s the inside that matters the most no matter how other people judge :))    

و ظني فيك ربي جميل :)

رأيي ان الواحد عشان يعرف دينه بجد، البداية مش انه يعرف الحلال و الحرام و قواعد الفقه و حفظ القرآن، رأيي ان عشان اعرف ديني بجد الخطوة الاولي لازم تكون اني اعرف ربي :) (ده رأي شخصي مش اكتر)

عشان كده، بعد ما تابعت سلسلة "بأسمك نحيا"، طلعت برسايل صغيرة كتبتها عندي عشان اعيش بيهم

تعلمت ان الله هو:

الرحمن الرحيم: في كل حاجة دور علي رحمة ربنا، و خاصة في المصايب، اعرف ان رحمته دايما موجوده، دور علي عوض ربنا هتلاقيه :)

المجيب: كان في مرة مجموعة من الناس رايحين يصلوا صلاة استسقاء "عشان المطر ينزل"، كلهم كانوا رايحين عادي، بس واحد فيهم كان رايح و واخد المظلة معاه، هو ده اليقين اللي المفروض يبقي عندنا و احنا بندعي :)

قال الله تعالى: "وَقَالَ رَبُّكُمُ ادْعُونِي أَسْتَجِبْ لَكُمْ"                                                                                           

 محطلهاش شرط، و محطش واسطة بينا و بينه سبحانه و تعالي :) 

القريب: قال تعالي "وَنَحْنُ أَقْرَبُ إِلَيْهِ مِنْ حَبْلِ الْوَرِيد"، اما بنناجي ربنا، مش بنحتاج نشرح و نفسر و نوجد اعذار، هو عارف كل حاجة! مش هيفهمك غلط، مش هيظلمك، و دايما و في آى وقت هيسمعلك... لو عشنا بالاسم ده قوي صعب اننا نحتاج لحد نشكيله و نحكيله،  هنحتاج لمين و احنا معانا القريب :)

الشكور: متستهونش بأي حاجة خير تعملها مهما تكون صغيره، لو انت نسيت و الناس نست ربك الشكور مش بينسي، و هيشكرك عليها،  اعمل الخير و ارميه البحر عشان ربك سمي نفسه الشكور :)

علي كل حاجة لازم نتعود نشكر ربنا، عشان هو هيشكرنا علي شكرنا ليه و هيزودنا، قال تعالي" لَئِن شَكَرْتُمْ لأَزِيدَنَّكُم"ْ

حاجة كمان، اشكر الناس علي جمايلهم، خلي عندك وفاء، و اوعي تكون ناكر للجميل، قال صلي الله عليه و سلم " لا يشكر الله من لا يشكر الناس"

الودود: بص للدنيا بنظرة جديدة، شوف الالوان، الزهور، المناظر الطبيعية، انواع الطعام المختلفة اللي بنحبها... كل حاجة فيها ابداع من الله و جمال في الارض. هو ربنا خلق كل ده ليه؟ ربنا خلقه عشان احنا نستمتع بيه و نمتع حواسنا بخلق الله، في كل حاجة جميلة افتكر ان ربنا خلقها عشان يودك :) فهو الودود سبحانه :)

الجبار: مع المظلوم علي الظالم، مش هيضيع حقك، و هيجبر بخاطرك... اوعي تظلم حد :)

الوكيل: توكل علي الله و متخافش من المستقبل، توكل علي الله و هو مش هيضيعك، توكل علي الله و اسعي، لأن ربنا بيحب السعي.. :)

الرزاق: كل حاجة ليها طريق حلال و طريق حرام، انت اللي بتختار الطريق اللي توصلها بيه، سواء هيوديك الجنة او النار هي هي نفس الحاجة اللي هتوصلها في الدنيا، لأن الرزق مكتوب!

قال تعالي "وَفِي السَّمَاءِ رِزْقُكُمْ وَمَا تُوعَدُونَ * فَوَرَبِّ السَّمَاءِ وَاْلأَرْضِ إِنَّهُ لَحَقٌّ مِثْلَ مَا أَنَّكُمْ تَنطِقُونَ"

الهادي: كل يوم، 17 مرة بنقول "اهدنا الصراط المستقيم"، ممكن كتير مننا مش بيحسوا باللي بيقولوه ده، لو حسناه، و بجد تخيلنا نفسنا ماشيين علي صراط الذين انعم الله عليهم، الانبياء و الصالحين، ممكن خشوعنا في الصلاة يقوي قوي :)

ربنا هدانا بالفطرة للاسلام من قبل ما نتولد، و هدانا تاني الحمدلله و فضلنا مسلمين، نحمد ربنا بقي علي هدايته ليينا و منعلقش ذنوبنا علي شماعة (مهو اصل لسة ربنا مهدانيش و خلاني اصلي)  عشان دي مش حجة لترك الصلاة (ولا لأي معصية طبعا)... ربنا يهدينا جميعا :)

الفتاح: "الله يفتح عليك" من احلي الدعوات اللي ممكن تدعيها لحد، ربنا يفتح علينا في يومنا، و يفتحلنا آى باب مقفول يكون في الخير لينا :)

الكريم: يا انسان، ربنا اكرمك و فضلك حتي علي الملايكة، فازاي ترضي تذل نفسك بالمعاصي؟ عيش كريم الخلق، كريم النفس، عشان لما تقف قدام ربنا تقوله "يا رب انا مذلتش نفسي بعد ما كرمتني"، اوعي تذل نفسك قدام نفسك :)

الغفور: مش معناها بس ان ربنا يسامحك علي الذنب، لأ ده كمان بيستر عليك، يستر عليك في الدنيا و في الآخرة عشان تكون قدام الناس محترم، مهما كبر ذنبك، طالما استغفرت الله...

اوعي يفوت يوم منغير ما نستغفر ربنا "وَمَا كَانَ اللَّهُ مُعَذِّبَهُمْ وَهُمْ يَسْتَغْفِرُونَ"

و في حاجة تانية كمان، سامح الناس و استر عليهم عشان ربنا يستر عليك، اوعي تفضح حد، و اوعي برده تفضح نفسك... افتكر قول صلي الله عليه و سلم " كُلُّ أُمَّتِي مُعَافًى إِلَّا الْمُجَاهِرِينَ وَإِنَّ مِنْ الْمُجَاهَرَةِ أَنْ يَعْمَلَ الرَّجُلُ بِاللَّيْلِ عَمَلاً ثُمَّ يُصْبِحَ وَقَدْ سَتَرَهُ اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ فَيَقُولَ يَا فُلَانُ عَمِلْتُ الْبَارِحَةَ كَذَا وَكَذَا وَقَدْ بَاتَ يَسْتُرُهُ رَبُّهُ وَيُصْبِحُ يَكْشِفُ سِتْرَ اللَّهِ عَنْهُ

" اوعي تمشي فرحان بالمعصية و فاكرها هتخليك كول، استغفر ربنا عشان يسامحك و يستر عليك :)

العزيز: اوعي تذل نفسك لحد، اطلب الحاجة بعزة نفس، لأنك عبد العزيز. مترضاش لنفسك تتذل لبني آدم و انت عبد العزيز، و برده اوعي، اياك تذل حد :)

الحق: ربنا سمي نفسه الحق، هيقف جنب الحق، و هيظهر الحق و هينصر الحق، ياللي علي الحق متخافش :)

....... طبعا كل الحاجات دي ولا حاجة بالنسبة لعظمة ربنا و جلاله، بس ده اللي ربنا قدرني بمعرفته، يا رب اكون افدتكوا :)