Between dreams...

There she was, the little girl on her bike, going so fast it felt like she was flying. At that moment she had her first dream, or at least the first dream she could remember. She dreamt of never having to stop, she wanted to stay forever on this bike; the air blowing her hair, the thrill, the sense of freedom she had, she was living a dream!

                She loved telling stories; she’d make up a world from her imagination, with people who were as alive as real ones to her. Even though she couldn’t read or write yet, she’d use her parents’ old recorder and record the stories as if she was on a radio show. At that moment, she dreamt of sharing her small world with everyone, that everyone would listen to her stories; but even though no one used to listen, she was living a dream.

 All over her room, she would arrange her dolls; she’d get her small blackboard and she’d act like a teacher. She was too caught up in the act; she’d even examine the dolls, and hold detention for the ones that behaved badly; she’d teach her dolls about kindness, love, happiness, and everything that made life beautiful! … At that moment, the girl dreamt that she would one day teach other people, let them see the world through her innocent eyes, let them know how the world could be a better place one day, or as she thought.  The girl was a dreamer; she had a million dreams!!

Years passed and the girl kept wandering between dreams; sometimes, the sky was her limit, and sometimes, she’d go even beyond the sky. But no matter how far her imagination went, she never dreamt of that day, she never dreamt of the day she’d start facing the real world, the day she was given the manual of how to live her life. A manual? … Yes, a manual that was called “How to kill your dreams!”

At first, the girl was confused; she couldn’t understand the instructions that everyone used to tell her. But then, when she looked again, she started to understand the symbols, they weren’t that far away from what she always dreamt of…

In the manual, the bike she loved was represented by “Money”; money was the thing that people used to give them the sense of freedom. Only money couldn’t blow her hair, and couldn’t be as easy or as natural as flying around with her bike; and most of the time, money brought evil, hatred, and jealousy to the world. For money, people would do anything and everything; even if what they did imprisoned them in a life they didn’t want… She wandered why they were doing all that, when she could get all the freedom she wanted just by riding the bike?

She also found her other dreams in the manual as well; she found that other people also have their own worlds and imagination. Only to her, she knew the different between the story she creates and the reality she was living in, she was a story teller; but she found out that not everyone could tell the difference. She found out that some people around her create that world of “Perfection” in their minds, and then they start to believe it was true. For some of them, perfection was the love story they were waiting for, the perfect person that would appear one day and just make everything peachy! At one point, the manual does say that this dream never comes true anyway, yet, everyone had to dream it; what else would people do with their imagination? … The girl never liked the sound of that, yes, she believed that whatever she could create in her mind, she could create in the real world; but being a story teller, she knew that what she wanted to create is not perfection, she knew that in order for the story to be good, it had to be imperfect; she knew that the imperfection was the perfection that people were missing out to! … For other people, that perfection was represented in a job, a house, a car, representing anything that was in the future, anything that was uncertain to come…

But these were all small dreams; the girl could just let them go… So what if she didn’t have her freedom or her fantasies? As long as she had the belief of showing people how the world could be a better place! That was important to her; that mattered a lot! She thought that she could do this by so many ways!  She could write, and let her stories do it for her; she could teach, and through her students she could create this better world. The girl was too innocent… She didn’t know; she didn’t know that not everyone wanted the world to be a better place; she didn’t know that some people could live their whole lives trying their best to make the world a worse place to live in. She didn’t know that the monsters in real life were way scarier than the monsters in all of her stories…

The girl was scared… shattered… powerless…

Her bike was broken … her stories were untold … and every day, the beauty she saw in the world faded away…

The girl wished she never grew up…      

The girl’s only option was to let go of everything she’d ever dreamt of; to keep moving in the scary world that was full of monsters, seeking the perfection that she knew she’d never find. That was what the manual said, that was how to be an adult was all about… But what if, the girl is crazy enough to never let go of her past dreams? What if the girl believed that the little kid inside of her was the key to her destiny? What if she believed that someday she would be able to ride her bike again, in the fresh air and could feel the freedom she wanted at last! What if she believed that she could find other people who wanted to see the world the way she wanted to see, and they could all work hard, to make that world the reality, or at least try their best?

Well, this story remains unfinished; the girl is still out there wondering if any of her dreams can come true… Wondering if all of her dreams can come true… Wondering if she should let go and follow the manual… Wondering if she wants to let go… And she’s just keeps wandering, between dreams… 

Finding Mr. Perfect?

            Being a fresh graduate, and a girl, doesn't just change YOUR life; it changes the way people look at you. In the past, people would look at me and ask “What do you want to do after graduation?”, “What are your plans”, “Have you decided what career you want to pursue yet?” … But after graduation, suddenly, there’s only one question: “When are you going to find a husband?!!”

But the thing is; I honestly, truly and deeply believe that “I am a princess” ^_^  Few years ago, I made a vow to myself to cherish, love, respect and accept her; and I am totally committing to my vows to this day.  So the all talk about looking for a man, having to get married soon, my life having no purpose unless I find a man; that just doesn't resonate with me, no way!

I wouldn't lie to you; there’s a part of me who can’t wait to find my soul mate, to be together, to share our life, to support each other… I am definitely excited about that happening :D But there’s also the part that’s wondering “What exactly am I looking for?” :D

To help, I asked my friends about what they’re looking for… But their answers only gave me more confusion :D

Friend A: I want my Mr. Right to be “The ideal man”; with a great personality, good looks and lot of money.

Friend B: The best important thing is romance, sweet talk, romantic music, flowers… awwwwww! :D

Friend C: Romance is cheesy! I like my love life to be fun; full of teasing and laughter.

Friend D: I want my Mr. Right to be tough! So that he’ll make me a better person.

Friend F: I want him to be more religious than I am, so that he can push be into becoming more religious.

And of course when I asked a skeptical person, she said: The most important thing is that he has money, to provide your home and your children.

            The truth is, the definition of “Love” is different from one person to another; that’s why you’ll never find your right answer with someone else. You have to look “Within” yourself and ask yourself “What do I really want? And there’s no right answer for that; some would want their partner to be adventurous, so they could travel the world together; other would want a stable, quiet life; and they’re both great! It’s about what “You” want :)

The thing is, we’re all looking for Mr. Right; Mr. Right who is supposed to be “Perfect”. If we’re asked to describe a perfect person, it wouldn't be that hard; just make a very long list with all the characters we've ever heard of (Including all the opposites  :D), we can do that! ...  But it’s not about being perfect, is it? It’s about being perfect for “YOU” … But how to find that? … What to look for? … In my opinion, the answer lies in one word “Vision”.

Let me give you an example; a part of my vision is “We’re born to this life to grow and to learn and to become the better versions of ourselves”. So, for me, what’s the point of finding a perfect person if I am still, and will always be learning? :D Instead, I’d want my Mr. Right to be someone who’s willing to learn with me, experience the world with me, someone who’s not willing to just stay in the same place forever and who’s open to the concept of change. That would match my vision perfectly, because we’d have the same way of thinking…

So, for me, I’d take someone who’s a hard worker but poor, over someone who’s rich and lazy! I’d take someone who’s open up to learning and growing, over someone who thinks he “Knows it all”, any day! I would take someone who’d looking for someone to stand with him, support and work with him; over someone who’s looking for a “Perfect girl”, because, that’s definitely not me :D  … Someone who shares the same vision as you do! That’s one key to finding YOUR Mr. Right ^_^

Of course, that’s just an example; every one of us has her own vision, her own way of thinking, and her own definition for her Mr. Right! And it’s all okay, as long as we know what WE want, not what other people tell us we should look for :) A true princess would never settle for less than what she wants ;)

But what if you don’t have a “Vision” yet? You don’t know what you believe in yet? … Please, go looking for yourself first :) You don’t have to find a well written plan for what you want to do in life; you just have to know what you believe in, how you see life… I read a quote few days ago, and I loved it; it said: “You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first steps” … You don’t have to see your whole way in front of you in order to be ready and know what you want in Mr. Right; but you do have to see the beginning of your way, the first few steps :)

Please; it doesn't matter how old you are or how much pressure people are putting on you; just go looking for yourself first, so that you will never regret! :) And only when you find the beginning of the way, you’ll know who your Mr. Right is. 

Find what “YOU” want ;)

Princess Jess ^_^

Life motto!

Sometimes you know something, but you don’t really “Know” it; like, we all know that everything happens for a reason or a wisdom, we read it, we heard it, we memorized it; but it takes us a try, an experience (Maybe two or three :D), to actually “Know” it by our hearts and learn to look for that wisdom. That happened to me too; all my life, I believed that “Change happens step by step”, I read it (A lot!), I wrote about it, and I taught it to some of my friends. Until later this year, when I came to realize the “Ugly truth”; I never… ever… ever used it myself.

For those who don’t know me, I am a huge fan of learning, growing and improving; I’d wake up every morning with a positive attitude, determined to have a perfect, productive day; to go through every single item on my to do list “Read, write, study, spiritual time, work out, spend time with friends and family, some free time for myself, learn new things, help mom with the house chores, do something good… Need I to go on?! :D ” I’d make a tough schedule for my day, push myself so hard, and when I get tired I’d tell myself “Come on Jess, you’re a fighter!” And I’d stay a fighter for the day, maybe for few days; but after that I just get exhausted, and since commitment isn't my favorite thing, I’d throw away my list and spend days and days just doing, a little, or not doing anything useful at all. 

I am sure I am not the only one, a lot of people can relate to the dramatic cycle of “Change”. It starts with telling myself “You’re a fighter” and ends up with “What a loser?! How can you live like this?” and after the drama phase, you go back to where you started. And the days just go on, and every day you wake up thinking “Today, I am going to change my life!” but you end up nowhere. 

But after years of being stuck in the vicious cycle; you come to the realization that you've been too hard on yourself, you've been pushing and pushing without thinking that “Change happens step by step”. You've been trying to be “The best”, without considering what “Your best” is; not the best that you’re meant to be one day, but the best that you are, today! 

The day you realize this, only then, you can actually change

your life. The day you learn to stop comparing yourself with an ideal image you have in your mind, and instead, explore what you’re actually capable of, right now. The habits you’re trying to adapt to become challenges rather than burdens; everyday you’ll challenge yourself to become the best “You” and every day you’ll be able to celebrate the achievement of taking one more step. 

And I finally learned all that (The hard way :/ ), and since then I made it my new life motto “To try to be my best”; I now wake up every morning with a positive attitude and I’m determined to try to be my best; to push the right push, to work with myself not against her, and to take it step by step… And the good news is, I have been doing great since then ^_^

Live long and prosper :) !